Since becoming a mom I feel like my days suddenly have so many goals. Yes, I had goals before, and they probably seemed way more “important”. Now my mind is absolutely swamped with all of the things that I put on myself that I need to achieve.
I want to make sure I spend as much time with Caleb as possible, make sure he’s being stimulated properly, his body is exercising and moving appropriately for whatever age and stage he’s been at and ensure that he feels the maximum amount of love possible.
I also have goals for my health; I need to eat healthy, drink lots of water and remember my vitamins since I’m breastfeeding.
Then there are financial goals, I need to learn how to shop efficiently, plans meals so I don’t buy unnecessary food items or waste groceries in our fridge, while making sure I have enough options for my husband’s lunches and snacks. I need to find great deals for us since we’re trying to get used to living on one income before my maternity pay ends.
And OF COURSE I must have a spotless house. I cannot handle a messy house, dirty floors, a cluttered fridge…hmm what else around here is out of control that is driving me crazy? So the guilt and frustration of not meeting my daily “cleaning schedule” after only 2 weeks of it implementation have me reeling from the disappointment of shattered goals.
I haven’t even mentioned my relationship with my husband and the time that I need to put into him, and the goals that we have together and separately for our relationship.
There are still books that I need to read to help me as a mom, since, if you can’t tell already, I really have no idea what I’m doing. I love my boy, I love my husband, and I love my Maker. And that’s really it. In some ways I still feel so young, so inexperienced, so tied up in my mind of how things “should be”, “ought to be” and “realistically are”.
So I sit here at 9:30 at night, trying to keep my eyes open waiting to go in and feed my sleeping baby one more time for the day, processing and sharing all of this. If anyone actually reads this, they are probably thinking…wow she just has one child? How is she going to handle another? Or 3? Manage a whole house of people? I have no idea. But tonight I am reminded of this (may it bring encouragement to you, wherever you are at):
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
So it will all be ok. This too shall pass. Tomorrow is a new day. The Lord has new mercies, more grace, and greater strength. There is nothing that He puts me through that He will not also equip me to handle. These trivial pursuits will be laughed about in years to come. I’ll smile at young moms and remember how unrealistic I was with myself, and hopefully bring encouragement to them and tell them to “lighten up a bit, just enjoy yourself”. May we somehow, in the midst of the craziness of life, keep the important things (like love, faith and people) at the forefront of our minds every single day.