Tiny Fingers

With one hand he clutched me tightly, and with the other he gently touched my face. I felt his tiny fingers run over my cheeks, tickle my forehead, and graze my eyelids, sending chills down my spine. He seemed captivated for a moment by me. So curious and so trusting. It was a moment froze in time, as I burned into my memory each detail of his little face and the feeling of those miniature hands. Tears filled my eyes as he held my gaze and stroked my cheek. He kept looking at me with his enourmous, gorgeous almost green eyes and gave me his beautiful smile that will always melt my heart.

Caleb, I love you. More than you’ll ever know. I’ll always treasure the times I am enjoying just with you. My firstborn, you’ve been able to have my undivided attention for the majority of your short life. I’m so thankful God chose you to fill my days. We won’t be Mama and Caleb, together forever like the song I made up for you says, but forever these moments will be bottled up and stored in my heart, to be treasured when your fingers aren’t quite so tiny and your face turns from a little cutie baby boy to my handsome grown son. I always find with you Caleb, that if I’ll be quiet and watch and listen, you’ll talk to me and explore your surroundings. I just need to maintain eye contact with you, then you fill me in on what you’ve just experienced. I wonder if that will be what we’re like later in life. If I give you a chance to speak, will you pour out your heart to me? Will you come back from new places and be excited to share it? I’m sure there will be times when I won’t be cool to you, and you’ll try to keep things from me. That will break my heart in the moment I know, but I’ll always pray for you, always love you, always believe that God has great things your life, and of course, I’ll always be here for you.

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