For as long as I can remember I have felt very passionately against abortion. I always knew in theory why. In my grade eleven english class we had to do a speech, and I chose to do it on the pro-life stance regarding abortion. After researching all the facts, seeing horrifying pictures of babies lives being lost, and listening to personal testimonies of women who chose to abort their babies who are now living in the emotion aftermath – I felt like I was going beyond “theory”.
As a teen I felt strongly that one day I wanted to adopt a baby whose mom was going to abort him or her, but then chose to give life instead. I listened to many Focus on the Family programs in high school about the different sides of adoption – the good, bad and the ugly. From Reactive Attachment Disorder, to perfectly integrated kids, I read it all.
When I found out I was pregnant with Caleb I knew that it would be a test of my heart for other kids. Would I just be passionate about my biological children? Would I only feel a deep sense of love if I had laboured and birthed them? Thinking of all the hurting, abandoned and orphaned children and babies in the world has often left me questioning whether it would be fair for me to bring more lives into the world without helping them.
Holding my own precious child for the first time did not fill my void to snatch another baby from heartache and sorrow. If anything it has placed in me a deep urgency and longing to build a home that could one day bring in babies that need so much to be loved, cared for and accepted.
A few weeks ago my husband and I watched this video. Focus on the Family had put on a contest called “Faces For Life”, a promotion for National Adoption Awareness Month in the United States. This video won first place, and moved us so much inside and fanned into the flame the flickering light in our hearts to adopt.
I’ve been thinking about what Jesus said regarding what “True Religion” is in James 1:27;
Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
Maybe I’ve got it wrong here, but do I even need to seek God and find out if his heart is for us to take in orphans? His heart is for the fatherless.
Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not that we aren’t praying about this, but I don’t think it is quite as complicated as I was originally making it. Whether we ever get approved to adopt a baby or not, my heart and my home should be open to help. Adoption isn’t just a one time thing, it’s a lifestyle. It’s helping an orphan across the world have food. It will be taking time to be a mom to one of Caleb’s friends (when he’s older) who doesn’t have a good home life or whose mom or dad walked out on him.
I want my front door to be open to the needy. I don’t know what this looks like yet. I hope that as years go by our house will be filled with kids, maybe not all our own, but filled with kids who need love and who need Jesus. I hope to one day hold all my kids in my arms and look across my family and see the ones that I physically laboured for from my body, and the ones that we laboured for through paperwork and courts. As I imagine myself in that place, my heart overflows with love. In some ways I overwhelm myself wondering how it would all work, but I know it would all be worth it. Whatever we had to give up to get there. Each child would be marked with a unique call, destiny and gifts from God. Whether their life was unplanned or prayed for, they already have my heart.
Jeremiah 49:11 shows me a glimpse into God’s heart for orphans.
But I will protect the orphans who remain among you. Your widows, too, can depend on me for help.
Protect. These kids are vulnerable. If I want to do God’s will, I also need God’s heart.
All the details are still very unclear, and I’m not sure we are in a place in our lives where we would be approved to adopt. But there is one thing I do know. I’ve sung so many times “break my heart for what breaks Yours” – and I think it’s finally happening.