It was a few Saturdays into our marriage. We were both back to working full-time and enjoying our new lives together. On this particular Saturday we decided to work together on our lunch before going out to get some errands done. One of the best things of those days (although not long ago, our lives are much different now) was that our work schedules were almost identical, so our free time was always together. Whether cooking, cleaning, or grocery shopping, it all happened together.
Deciding upon grilled cheese sandwiches, we set to work buttering bread, slicing cheese and arranging them into sandwiches. It doesn’t take a culinary genius to make grilled cheese, so this really should have been uneventful.
The frying pan was preheated and Andrew went to place the first sandwich in it. I swooped in with a lid to cover it up. He looked at me really confused, “what are you doing?”
“Oh,” I replied, “you always cover your grilled cheese with a lid so the cheese melts faster!”
“Well I’ve never done that before and my cheese always melted perfectly fine. If anything you’ll just make the bread soggy.”
I started to get offended. I was the wife. If anything he was just my assistant in the kitchen. We weren’t actually working together, I was in charge!
“No honey, you don’t know what you’re talking about. The lid goes on the grilled cheese.” I stated this firmly as I watch confusion pass through Andrew’s eyes, wondering how on earth we had got to where we were. Desiring to rescue the afternoon he complied with me, but we were both frustrated.
Sitting down to eat in silence (you can read more about my journey to overcoming going silent here), the tension was pretty thick. After lunch I went into our bedroom and shut the door. I cried and cried. Was I really that stubborn that I was going to let something as trivial as a lid over my sandwich wreck our Saturday together?
Andrew must have been thinking the same thing out in the living room, but was a little quicker to act. He came in and his humility melted my pride. He said that if it meant that much to me that he would make them my way and that he loved me more than how he made his grilled cheese. I felt so childish and embarrassed.
“No, no I’ll make them your way, I was being ridiculous” I whispered through tears.
In the end we just agreed to each make them our own ways, whoever was making them would be in charge of how they were done. You know what’s funny? We both ended up switching how we make them because we know that’s how the other person prefers it.
Proverbs 20:3 says
Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.
This isn’t just with your husband or wife, it’s with anyone. It’s a journey I’m on right now. Some issues just aren’t worth hurting your relationships. Laying your pride aside to avoid a fight in honourable in the eyes of the Lord.
Today I saw my sister making a grilled cheese and noticed her putting the lid on it. I smiled about how every family does things differently as I remembered that little incident. Now every time I see a grilled cheese sandwich, I remember that peace and unity is more important than being right. It stands as my reminder to put my husband before myself.
I guess we won’t know whose way is better until our kids are old enough to eat grilled cheese 😉
Just kidding, Andrew! I love you more than my way of doing anything!