This is my first time linking up with Marriage Monday, at Chrysalis Cafe, (“a weblog for thinking Christian moms”). I’m excited to joining up with this, as I am very passionate about marriage and purposefully learning from my everyday life. I can’t believe how much I have changed as a person since June 5, 2010 (our anniversary).
Today’s topic is: Romance.
There are many different directions to take this post, but as I have been praying about writing this post, the Lord showed me something about myself, that is in scripture that has really got me thinking. You will be able to read many other perspectives and thoughts on Romance when you visit the Chrysalis Cafe link up.
Jesus shared a parable about the farmer who went out and scattered seed. He talked about four different surfaces that the seed landed on.
1. The Footpath
2. The Rocky Soil
3. The Thorns
4. Good Soil
The footpath was the people who heard the word of God but don’t understand it and the evil one quickly steals the seed. The Rocky Soil is those who hear the word of God, receive it with joy but then when there are problems their roots don’t go deep, and they fall away. The Thorny Soil hears the word of God but all to quick the worries of life and pressures of this world choke the budding fruit.
The good soil, is ultimately the best. They receive the word of God with joy and go on to produce great fruit.
What does all of this have to do with romance in marriage?
We often talk a lot about what we can DO to create romance in marriage, which is very important. But what this passage showed me is we also have to BE in order to receive in marriage. You can’t have one without the other.
If your spouse offers you every action that reflects your top love languages; affirms you, gives you gifts, etc., but your heart isn’t in the place to receive it, their actions will be falling on soil that will not produce a fruit.
In my own life I relate to the thorny soil, where the worries and cares of life can choke out the seed. The hardest time of the day for me is right when my husband is coming home. My son is always over tired by that point, I’m trying to make supper and have the house prepared for either a small group that is coming over, a meeting or simply clean enough that we don’t waste our evening tidying up.
It seems that no matter what my husband is to do or say in that moment when he walks through the door, unless I am very purposeful, the worries and cares of life will steal the good things that my husband will try to invest in me.
For some of you, you might be able to receive love well when things are going great for you both, but when there is confrontation, difficulties or even sin that needs to be confessed, you give up. All the good seed that was planted is uprooted and destroyed because of the few bad rocks in the garden.
And still others of you simply don’t understand each other, or the enemy has been given room to come in and cause confusion and misunderstanding and you are frustrated because it seems that whatever you do, your seed lands on the footpath, with not even a chance of growth.
So how do you turn the garden of your heart from full of thorns and rocks into rich, fertile soil? A good gardener can pick rocks and pull weeds all morning, and have the garden transformed by afternoon. Jesus is the ultimate gardener and the lover of our souls. He can perform miracles in our lives in an instant if we ask if.
While you work on yourself, simply being aware of how you are prone to be can help. I shared my example about how right around when Andrew is coming home is when I’m at my worst. While the Lord works on me in dealing with life’s pressures, I can be proactive to protect our relationship. I have been trying to implement these few things and they’ve been helping:
- I give my son an extra snack around that time so he isn’t just waiting for supper, and over tired.
- I start supper earlier or at least plan it out ahead of time.
- I try to keep up with my daily/weekly chores so that I only have to do a few things a day to maintain a generally clean house.
- I have been singing to worship music and really inviting the Lord’s presence into our house and I’ve seen a huge difference in my attitude when my husband gets home.
Like I said at the beginning there are so many different ways you can take this topic, and I hope to write about it more. This is what I felt the Lord put on my heart.
To keep feelings and romance in your relationship, you can’t just “do” you need to receive, and that can sometimes be just as much work as trying to be creative in showing love. Commitment to loving Jesus will transfer in every way over to loving your spouse.
Here are a couple other posts of mine that you may like if you enjoy reading about marriage.
Is it harder for you to receive from your spouse or to give to your spouse? Feel free to share in the comment box below!