A little bit of honesty

“Create in me a clean heart O God. Renew a loyal spirit in me.” Psalm 51:10

I have shared a bit lately about how the Lord has been working in my life in terms of praying for my husband and my son. There is a phrase that we repeat over and over in our Student Leadership class that has been hitting me this morning.

This past week…no, this past month has been one of the biggest tests I’ve walked through in a while. I haven’t written about this, but my sister and her son who were living with us suddenly left, extremely abruptly. It was a huge shock. Then a week later we had our fire. A week after that God revealed some marriage issues that we needed to walk through (that will be a post when it’s not so recent and I’ve fully processed the lessons we’ve learned), then I hurt my neck twenty-four hours later.

All of these things were weighing on me to some degree or another. During the Married for Life course that we have been taking we felt our prayer time as a couple grow exponentially. Instead of praying generally, we are more organized, and issues are actually being covered in prayer. Out of that, our personal prayer and devotional life has began to soar again.

Some of the struggles that have come up haven’t been as hard. Honestly, the fire was kind of exhilarating when it was all said and done. We had an incredible story of protection, the insurance money came through and covered everything and we didn’t lose much that was important. I was overflowing with thankfulness, but not tested in the same way as you are when your relationship are tested by fire.

A week ago today I cried all morning. I asked the Lord what more he wanted me to do. He said to me that phrase again.

He didn’t want me to strive in these tests any longer. He wanted me to BE close to him, and know his heart, and ask him to change me, instead of trying to change myself.

I prayed a scary prayer that morning. It was all to do with the Lord putting his finger on me, and working out the issues in my own heart. Then I cried out to the Lord in true desperation for my husband and for my son. I prayed with AUTHORITY. When I didn’t know where to start, I picked up my Power of a Praying Wife and Power of a Praying Parent books and shouted those prayers up to heaven. My tears turned from tears of sadness and discouragement to tears of joy and thankfulness. Something broke in our home that morning. The enemy lost any hold he had. I have chosen to build upon that every day since.

One day last week my husband came home and said to me that he didn’t know what was going on but he felt like he was walking in the greatest sense of victory and was just having an amazing week in the Lord.

I didn’t say anything, except that I was proud of how he seeking the Lord and actively loving us. I knew God showed me in that moment that my prayers (and Andrew’s prayers) were changing our lives quickly.

There are big things the Lord wants my family to do. We know that. We’ve known that since we got engaged. We were not put together to simply enjoy life, although we certainly do. My gifts are combined with my husband’s gifts in a way where power, anointing and authority are multiplied a hundredfold.

I know it hasn’t been long, but we are continuing to pray protection over our home, and we will springboard off what the Lord has been doing in us over the last month. And then as high as we get to in our life time, will just be the springboard for where our kids jump from.

As I have become closer with God this week, and laid my burdens at his feet, the “doing” has become much easier. The Lord gave me fresh feelings of love, so much deeper than I could have imagined for my husband. The times that the three of us have spent together, has been so much fun. I remained calm on Sunday, didn’t panic about what to wear or how tired Caleb would be for missing his morning nap at church and we went for breakfast before church. We got to really enjoy our family time, instead of making family time happen.

Letting God transform my heart is a lot easier than me trying to transform my heart. It’s a little bit scary, and not an easy journey. I’ve had an emotional week as the Lord continues to bring stuff up to me. But the healing he brings is much quicker, much deeper and much more whole than any other I’d find somewhere else.

I look forward to sharing more of this exciting journey with you and I believe I will continue to testify of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness in working in our lives to see us live whole, passionate and purposeful lives serving our King here on earth.

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