Oh my ten month old. He has a cold, and is really struggling with the challenges in his little life. He is also discovering that he has choices, and has desire. Right now I am watching him randomly chuck pieces of food from his high chair. He is dividing his cheese and strawberries into two piles. The ones that pass the ten month old inspection, and the rejects. Rejects go on the floor. The good enough ones are eaten. There is no rhyme or reason to this process.
This short week has been long. Weird stages bring a lot of different challenges. I feel like my list of when he’s not happy has been much longer than when he is happy the last two weeks.
When my son is happy:
Eating snacks that pass inspection
Climbing over top of me
Being held, sometimes
Watching me dancing to keep him from crying
In the bath, sometimes
When my son is upset:
Being put in his high chair
Being placed in his crib
Being put on the change table
Being buckled into his car seat
Being placed in his stroller
When I turn my back for three seconds
When I’m not watching him play
When I try to put food in my own mouth
When I’m not giving him my constant undivided attention
When I unload the dishwasher
When I try to make supper
etc, etc, etc. I won’t bore you with all the details.
So today I managed to distract him for about 3 and a half minutes with a colander, a pot and a wooden spoon so that I could inhale my toast before screaming and crying ensued. I sat down at the kitchen table quickly, trying not to waste a second that could be used for getting some caffeine in my body after four really long nights. I laughed to myself at how this moment of rest came while the house was filled with the loud clanging sound of a pot being smashed repeatedly. Before this would have annoyed me or gave me a headache.
The verse that came to mind was this;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I have been kicking myself repeatedly for things I’ve been doing that I know are creating bad sleeping patterns this week. Today was the fourth morning in a row where he wouldn’t fall asleep on his own so we drove around. I couldn’t justify missing a nap when he’s fighting a cold and can’t breathe well.
As I sit in the line up for the Tim Horton’s drive thru finishing this post, I see a few other moms in the line up with babies in the car seat. They’re probably trying to snatch a few minutes of peace too.
Life changes and the moments we treasure are much different from the ones we used to.
Mom’s: you know that you can easily be engulfed in discouragement. Guilt, exhaustion, frustration, and confusion can get the better of us quickly, and we can be sent into a tailspin of discouragement and despair. You might have the same swirling thoughts that I do sometimes;
“he’s never going to fall asleep…”
“I’m never going to sleep…”
“will we ever sleep…”
I am so thankful for the promise of the Lord’s peace that goes beyond our comprehension. And this is the peace that will guard our hearts and minds. We need our heart and mind to be guarded. Proverbs 4:23 gives this decree
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
I just hear the cry from the writer of that wise saying, conveying to us the destruction that can come from not guarding our hearts. If our hearts are full of despair, discouragement and disillusionment, then how we treat our family will flow out of that filter. If we let the Lord’s peace speak truth to our heart and we actively take thoughts captive to guard our heart, we will relate to our families from a place of love, joy and peace.
Jesus, guard my heart today. Replace the enemies lies with the truth of your Word. I can do all things through you who gives me strength, and I receive your peace that does not make sense considering the circumstance. You are the God of the impossible, and I am so thankful that it’s a Savior like that who I serve!