Do you ever have reoccurring dreams that are so real you wake up to make sure that it actually was your imagination? I am a vivid dreamer. Sometimes God speaks to me through my dreams and other times I am asking myself what on earth I was thinking about before I fell asleep!
One reoccurring dream I’ve had over the last year is a variation of the idea that Andrew and I know each other but don’t get married. In my dream I know about my “real life”, that we’re married, have Caleb, etc. I know how our story goes, and my dream starts out following reality and then somewhere along the way takes a turn.
One time I dreamt that we liked each other but then he decided to go another path and we never dated. The torment in my heart was so vicious, I felt like I could literally die in my dream. I tried to scream at him what could be. I tried to tell him about Caleb. I tried to tell him about the happiness we would experience, but it was like he couldn’t hear me. He was numb to my emotion.
Another time I dreamed that we were dating and it was getting to the point where we got engaged in real life, but in the dream he tells me he’s been accepted to school and is breaking up with me. I repeat the same anguished cry, pleading him to seek God for confirmation, but he becomes numb to my voice and tunes me out.
Each time I’ve had this dream, I wake up panicked, checking to see if Andrew’s asleep beside me, making sure the baby monitor is still flashing and that Caleb is still our boy.
Taking a few deep breaths, I can usually fall back to sleep.
As I was up with Caleb last night, sitting in the dark of his room, moving back and forth in the rocking chair, I asked Jesus why I have this heart wrenching dream. I guess I’ve never asked him before, and this morning he told me this:
“What you feel in that dream is the tiniest fraction of what I feel when someone walks away from me. I call to them and speak what could be, place hope and vision in their path, yet they tune me out and become numb to my voice. I then watch them walk a path of pain that I died to save them from.”
Wow. I wish I could accurately describe the pain and hurt in my entire being when Andrew rejects me in my dream. God said that’s the tiniest fraction of what he feels. And his love and motives are actually pure. Mine was still rooted in my own desire and my own cry for happiness.
Listen, the Lord of heaven and earth is heartsick when you reject him. He knows what your life could be, and he longs to pick you up, rescue you from the kingdom of darkness and transfer you into the kingdom of his dear son, who ALREADY purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. (Colossians 1:13-14)
Don’t run from God, his plans and purposes are much greater than you can even imagine, in your wildest, most bizarre dreams! Though you have lived apart from Christ, he will redeem your life. (Jeremiah 29:10-12)
If you are walking with the Lord, I pray that you can feel how desperately He aches for people to turn to him, and that we would be driven on to share the hope that we have with others.