Since starting to read the book Unglued, I have felt like I am constantly in situations where I want to completely fall apart. The biggest test this past week was my son getting up for 2 or 3 hours in the night and not wanting to go back to sleep. The first night it happened was extremely frustrating and he just screamed, threw things out of his crib, and was inconsolable for over three hours.
That night I was overcome with feeling trapped. Sitting in the rocking chair, all I could think of was how I wanted to run out of the room and beat a wall, scream or leave the house and not come back til he was asleep. I don’t think I have ever been so tempted to run away as I was in that moment.
I mustered up all my self-control and prayed, prayed, prayed for God to help me not lose it, not fall apart, and not do something that I would regret the next day.
By God’s grace I made it through that. Then the next night came.
Same thing, only now every time I had him just about asleep again, he’d suddenly stand up, barking like a dog or making monkey sounds! The first time was sort of cute, but by hour number two, I was exhausted.
The temptation to run had weakened a bit, but again I begged the Lord to help me not fall apart at the seams.
Third night came, same thing. I thought he was asleep, I went to leave and heard “mama? mama? Woof-woof-woof!”.
This time, I couldn’t contain my laughter! He started laughing then we had a little talk about going to bed and letting mama sleep. Miraculously, he let me leave the room without throwing a temper tantrum, and he put himself to sleep.
It was a small victory for me. My anger was slowly turning to joy.
Each night I have prayed and asked the Lord to please make Caleb sleep again. And so far he hasn’t. Then at LifeGroup we were reading in 2 Corinthians 12. Paul was talking about his mysterious “thorn in the flesh”, something that tormented him.
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:8-9
In time, Caleb will sleep through the night again, so I know I haven’t been handed a life long sentence. However, for this little while God has chosen to not answer my request. I think I see a glimpse of why now.
He is teaching me about his grace, his strength, and his power.
He is helping me overcome some of my greatest temptations towards uncontrollable emotions.
His power is at work in my weakness.