“why doesn’t anyone tell you this is going to be so hard?”
The husband replies, “I think they do, but you’re just not listening, or you don’t believe them.”
When we found out we were pregnant for the first time, anything I was told about the challenges seemed covered over by a romantic hue of baby infatuation.
20 months later, and I still am completely overwhelmed at times by just how hard this parenting job is. Maybe it’s entering into my third trimester that has me sensitive. Every situation that happens with my son, I ask myself how I’d handle it with two kids.
Then I freak myself right out, because I don’t have an answer.
I didn’t know how much kids got sick, or how isolated you feel when sickness won’t leave, a huge dump of snow comes, followed by a -40 windchill warning.
I didn’t know the depth of loneliness that comes in those times of not making it to church, mom’s group, play dates, or even a date with my husband.
I didn’t know the conflicting emotion that would come from holding your sick baby. I could be so angry at a cough, and so frustrated with a fever, and so overcome with compassion and love for the sniffling kid in the same moment.
I have learned through having one baby that you do figure a lot out as you go. The mountains that seem so big, quickly dissolve when you start sleeping longer than two or three hours at a time.
And the truth is, it is hard because it is hard.
Parenting is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to follow through on. It’s the hardest thing that I can’t, won’t and don’t ever want to escape. It’s the most exhausting, frustrating and rewarding task I have ever undertaken. It holds the most cliché emotions, and sometimes you wonder if you actually are bi-polar, or schizophrenic or something because why else do I feel SO OUT OF MY MIND RIGHT NOW?
But it’s when I get to this point, that the Lord usually comes through with something big. Like something that really shapes my character, deepens my influence, and rocks my heart.
He said this to me:
“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.”
HE WILL NOT ABANDON ME!
Not even for a minute.
In the middle of the night when my sick baby is coughing uncontrollably, he’s still there.
When I crawl back into bed, and my unborn baby is flipping out inside me because of all the screaming, and I can’t fall asleep. He’s still there.
It seems so simple, but have you ever got to the point where you need to know God is with you so desperately, that when he tells you he is there always, and that he WILL NOT abandon you, it flows through your heart and out through your mouth like the greatest shout of victory you have ever heard?
That’s where I’m at. I’m exhausted, 6 months pregnant, mom to a boy with a fever and a cough, and I’m scared out of my mind how I’m going to be a good parent to both these kids, a good wife, and a good follower of Christ.
But today all God is asking me to focus on is the true fact that He says: