It was never an issue for me to leave Caleb to go for a date with my husband. This seemed like a necessary part of our life together. I did NOT think I could go out by myself.
If someone would have told me I should go out by myself I would have replied “well I can’t just leave my family at home!”
During this transition to two kids, I was feeling extremely housebound. Issues blow up in your mind when you don’t have space to breathe, ever. I felt so claustrophobic in my own home.
I prayed about what I should do and God revealed to me (although I’m not sure how I didn’t see it myself) that I needed to take a break.
I went to my husband, and because he is a good guy who loves his family and wants us to all be mentally healthy, he said we would make it work that I could go out for two hours (since that’s about how long I can be away while breastfeeding) once a week…but there would be some rules.
(No, he isn’t controlling…these were good rules)
Groceries could not be bought during this time and errands could not be done. This had to be about relaxing and doing something that I wanted to do. All that other stuff would be planned for another time.
(He’s great, hey?)
The first time I went out, the lyrics to Hillsong Live’s song “Freedom is here” screamed through my mind. I was so excited.
Through this I’ve discovered my dream time is just to go sit in a coffee shop and blog, read, drink something that hasn’t been reheated seven times, and maybe zone out, uninterrupted by crying.
That makes me feel human again.
I made sure that I had time to swing by the little bakery on my way home and pick up a treat to surprise my toddler. It was great to be missed when I walked in the door.
They almost needed a break from me more than I needed one from them.
I know for a lot of moms, you feel guilty leaving your kids with you husband because he’s been working all day, and trust me I understand that. However, I’ve found so far that this has thrown us onto a pretty good cycle of me being re-engerized to be at home and deeply appreciating my husband’s commitment to work and serve his family. It makes me want to do anything I possibly can for him.
In turn, he appreciates what I do with the kids and gives him a chance for some one on two time with them. Win-win. Lots of love all around.
Don’t wait for a mental or emotional breakdown for someone to point out what you need. Andrew didn’t suggest a weekly break before because he didn’t know I needed it. The moment it was realized, he of course wanted to make it happen! Just ASK!
This will also give you a chance to see if your spouse is getting the break that they need. Maybe you both need a weekly coffee date alone!