In my books, there will never be a date long enough, days off consecutive enough or a conversation too lengthy with my husband.
I love road trips with him. A long drive, a coffee and enough time to talk about everything.
With a little less time in our schedule these days, and kids who like to monopolize our driving time, my quality time tank can be lacking.
During my first three months with our new baby, I went through a number of postpartum ups and downs (I’m forever thankful for periods of hormonal stability). Not having my number one love language met consistently caused me to question my husband’s love for me.
It’s not that he didn’t want to spend time with me, we just had a baby that cried almost non stop, and a toddler trying to fight for equal attention. It was tough.
One evening we ended up talking about it and through a mess of tears and mixed up words I told him I didn’t know if he really loved me right now because we weren’t spending much time together.
He was able to tell me that he had been showing me love through his number one love language, acts of service, because time was not as available.
I had been so blind. My house was spotless every night! Now that’s love!
There are times when we need to ask to have our love language spoken, but then there are times to ask what our spouse’s language is and see if they’ve been trying to speak to us that way.
If you are in a seemingly healthy marriage (no form of abuse) and you are starting to question if your spouse loves you, ask yourself these questions.
1. What is their love language? (Take Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages Quiz)
2. Are they trying to speak love in their language?
3. Can you become bilingual? Meaning, will you accept the love they are trying to communicate with out putting them down?
Once you accept it, you can bring up your need to be loved in your language from a place of respect instead of a place of neglect.
I have gleaned a lot of wisdom from a concept that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love & Respect, laid out in his book. He encourages couples to assume that (if in a non abusive relationship) each other is a person of goodwill who is not trying to be mean, unfeeling or degrading.
They simply do not understand and need to be loved, or respected to a place of seeing your heart.
My husband was certainly not trying to deprive me of my relational “air”. I simply misread him because he was speaking a different language!
Make sure you aren’t hitting a language barrier. Learning any language takes work, but becoming bilingual always pays off!