But What About My Needs?

stayingafloatI’ve written a number of posts lately talking about ways that I have been challenged to be a better wife. Some of you feel discouraged with where you are at after hearing about positive things going on in someones else’s marriage.

I’ve heard your stories, and trust me, they break my heart.

Asking your husband to give you a break from the kids seems like asking for another big fight – one that you’re not sure if your relationship can survive.

You want to see your marriage change for the better, and perhaps even feel a little hope, but how do you make it through in the mean time?

First, I want to just say that I’m speaking of couples who are struggling. Some of you simply don’t want to inconvenience your spouse by bringing stuff up to them (e.g. asking for a break). But this is part of learning and growing together. You give. He takes. You take. He gives.

So while you’re doing your best to learn how to respect your husband, manage your finances, and pray for him, you need to make sure that you are getting cared for so that you don’t fall apart.

Here are some practical ideas to keep you afloat while your marriage is sinking.

  1. Seek wise counsel. You can’t do this alone. If you’re husband (or wife if you feel this is applicable to you as husband) is even slightly open to someone meeting with you guys, do it! You may have to be vulnerable, and it may be humbling, but it will be so worth it. If your spouse won’t go with you, seek counsel alone.
  2. Find another mom who you can swap babysitting with. If you aren’t able to get a break from the kids by way of your hubby, there will certainly be another mom in the same boat. Make it simple: kids movie time at her house one week, and then switch off the next. The one baby sitting doesn’t have to have a ton of extra work.
  3. Find a prayer partner. I’m not talking about someone who will let you dump on them and then join you in a husband bashing session. You’re looking for a woman who will stand with you in prayer, believing for the BEST in your marriage and in your spouse.
  4. Lower your expectations on yourself. You might be walking through a lot emotionally, and you need time to connect with the Lord and rest. What can you take off your plate to lighten your load that isn’t of top importance?
  5. Get involved in a loving, supportive community. Mom’s groups, bible studies, and a solid church family will make sure that you are surrounded and cared for. If you’re plugged in, you can’t slip through the cracks! If there is nothing like this at a church or community centre close to you…create it! (Tips here)

You are not being selfish by taking these step! If you want your marriage and family to survive, and eventually thrive, you need to be supported!

You don’t have to be in this alone!

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