It’s really hard to be quiet. The longer I go as a mom, the more opinionated I become on certain topics and the more fired up I can get.
The carrot is often hung right in front of my nose, and oh so often I take the bait and say something I shouldn’t.
Usually, I don’t think what I said was wrong. It was just, unnecessary. Perhaps it was also unnecessary of the other person to say it. Still doesn’t justify my own actions.
I have sat in meetings where I have been able to see this played out.
The person who is quick to speak says too much and appears foolish. The one who waits to hear what is being said and feels out the room then speaks and has everyone hang on their words.
Wisdom seems to ooze out of their mouth.
Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent;
with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.
Shutting up is not easy. Just the other day I got in a fight with my husband because we were interrupting each other. We’re both talkers and often don’t even hear what the other is saying because we’re so busy speaking.
There are two questions I have been trying to ask myself before speaking in person or commenting on social media. (And for some reason it’s easier to do this with a person other than my spouse)
1. What am I adding to the conversation?
2. Is it encouraging?
The first question is important because if I’m just stirring the pot, it probably isn’t necessary.
If I’m bringing what I believe to be truth, then the second question is so vital. Is it encouraging? Am I wording it in a way that doesn’t come across demeaning?
We can be saying something that is meaningful but comes across hurtful. People just get their defenses up and the whole discussion was useless.
Learning how to say something is just as needed as figuring out whether to say it.
Both of these things take time. It requires giving ourselves space to process before blabbing. “Think before you speak” as many of us have heard.
There is a time and place for bold discussions, but in the mom world and especially with social media, the temptation to make every tiny thing a big deal is so strong.
How I introduce solids, sleep train or invest in my marriage are all really important to me. But they don’t make or break my friendship with you.
So If I’ve ever spoke too soon or been just a little too zealous in my own defense, I’m sorry.
You have permission to tell me to shut my mouth (but maybe in love).