“Mommy, do you still have angry voices for me?”
My frustrated heart melted away as I walked into my son’s room to talk to him after his time out.
“His” time out. Really it was mine. I was so fed up with my daughter’s crying, and I took out my anger on him.
I yelled at him to get to his room and stay there until I had time to talk to him. Then I sat in the kitchen and cried.
Why does she scream so much? Why do I get so upset with him?
His brave communication melted down any anger barriers left in my heart.
His courageous question led into another bold statement.
“I don’t like when you just shut my movie off.”
Another little knife through my heart.
I had not handled the morning well. I usually get myself ready during Amayah’s first nap while Caleb is watching his TV show. Her crying wasn’t stopping so I came out and shut his show off and told him when his sister was asleep he could watch it so mom could still have alone time.
Sounds fair, but he was in the middle of something. It was not respectful.
I held that boy and kissed the tears rolling down his cheeks as he looked with great courage at his deflated mom. He was determined to make me understand why he felt wronged.
The angry voices left, we hugged and I apologized to him for being a mean mommy. With a tighter hug around my neck he said “it’s ok mommy” and sealed it with a kiss.
Seeing my son put brave communication into practice was amazing.
I find it hard to use well-chosen words to describe why I’m hurting. And that usually make the mess even messier then it needs to be.
His ability to speak broke down every wall. I saw into his heart.
That picture of him standing before me has literally armed me with bravery to speak out with calm words. My vulnerability will give the other person a glimpse into my heart, and swing wide the doors of restorative communication.
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
I still have so much to learn about giving gentle answers, but there is a special little boy who is sure teaching me a lot along the way!
Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.