A group of widows whose husbands were killed in 9/11 were interviewed and asked what they missed most about their spouses. Over and over the women said they miss the things that irritated them the most when their husband was alive.
“I hate when I hear wives complaining about their husbands,” one widow said, “I would do anything to walk into our on-suite bathroom and see the toilet seat up again.”
Tragedy seems to be constantly happening around us. There doesn’t seem to be too many days between reminders to hold our loved ones close, or to treasure them. But after the emotion fades, do we really walk it out in the heat of battle?
Tonight I wept over my kids as I heard of a little boy who has been given just weeks to live after a long battle with cancer. Grief over another’s situation is so strong, I can’t fathom living through my own.
Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage, suggested something that has had me thinking over the last couple weeks. He said to pray and ask God for a widow’s heart toward you spouse.
As I prayed this, my eyes suddenly became open to all the things that irritate me that Andrew does. I wondered if my prayer had backfired.
Slowly, God started to show me how broken I would be if these things were missing, and they have actually become joys.
I suppose that’s the start of a widow’s heart.
The same prayer could be applied to your kids. The things that drive me crazy, I know I would give anything to have them back.
I don’t want my torn up emotions to be only a superficial experience that doesn’t change the deepest parts of who I am.