The last twenty-four hours has been one thing after another with our son.
It all started with him getting bitten by two wasps in our backyard. In shock, he then ran straight into the side of the deck at top speed. The bite by his eye quickly swelled up. It was so hard to settle him down.
We made it through the evening and got him to bed, and I was surprised he was only up once in the night from pain.
So then this morning, just as I was texting my mom back as to how Caleb was doing with his wasp stings, I heard a huge crash and a horrific scream. He had fallen down the stairs, climbing up them from the basement.
I was so angry. I felt completely out of control. I had been furious at those wasps and wanted so badly to kill every single one for hurting my baby. And then this. After we had tried so hard to protect them from the stairs.
He was a mess. Blood, scrapes, and a huge goose egg on the back of his head. He was crying that he couldn’t walk and had his hands holding his hips. I was scared.
My husband got to meet some of our new town’s finest by taking Caleb to get checked out at our local hospital.
I’m still thanking the Lord that all of Caleb’s bones were fine, just surface wounds.
About an hour after they got back, Caleb and I were pushing Amayah on the tire swing, and he got knocked down and landed right on his goose egg. It took a while for the pain to settle again.
He disappeared into the house for a moment, and by the time I went in to check on him he had pushed a chair up to the counter and climbed up to the window sill and gave himself some children’s Tylenol to help his head.
Of course I panicked. My nerves were already a little shot from the whole ordeal. Now we were going to have to go back to the hospital to get his stomach pumped!
Quickly we determined how much he took, and it wasn’t an emergency, just a life lesson for us all, and an unfortunate recognition that he can now undo child locks on medication.
I tell you all of this to say, I am so completely out of control of my kids safety. We did our due diligence in so many areas, and he still got hurt many times over.
Relinquishing control, and admitting that you can’t protect your babies from everything is so scary. I’ve prayed protection for my kids lots, but have unknowingly seen myself as their primary protector.
But I’m not.
I’m so desperate for the Lord every single moment of my life. To protect my kids, to guard my sanity and to give my peace. So many things in this world are beyond our control, and I guess I hate that my kids are beyond mine too.
I can’t handle life without my Jesus.
I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my saviour; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.