No Strings Attached

photoAfter my last few mornings at work I’ve come home to a clean house, bathed kids, supper in the slow cooker or something right out of the oven, and a home filled with laughter.

“How does he do it?” I’ve wondered. My husband just seems to have boundless energy, and has picked up a ton of extra work around our place in the last couple weeks as my body has slowed down significantly since hitting the third trimester of this final pregnancy.

I’ve been so relieved that our new 50/50 split of staying home with the kids and pastoring the church has gone so well. My husband has done an amazing job of pushing me to walk in my calling as a mom and a pastor, and he’s embraced his influence with the kids at home while balancing everything at the church. He’s so humble.

But even in the middle of this thankfulness, I get this horrid feeling that creeps up in me that I owe Andrew so much. I feel like I’m constantly justifying myself, reminding him that when I’m not pregnant I am so much more productive, and that he won’t have to do so much for long.

He comes home from his times at work and supper is barely on the table, the house has exploded in the last ten minutes, the kids are screaming and there is peanut butter all through their hair!

In those moments, I compare the situations and get so scared that his love and devotion toward me is going to waver because of the disaster I am.

We started into a series on Galatians at church, and as my husband was preaching on how we cannot earn any piece of the love of God, I was struck by this humbling comparison.

The Lord takes us through seasons, and I’ve definitely been in a time of humbling. I like doing everything. I like being extremely productive. I want my husband to think I’m superwoman.

And while Andrew is not perfect and I’m sure there are moments where he wishes I was more helpful, God is using him as a living example to show me this “no strings attached” gift of grace and salvation that the Lord has given to me.

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.
Ephesians 2:8-9

Galatians 2:21 says that if I try to earn God’s grace through works, than Christ died for nothing.

So as much as my flesh is at war to prove myself to Andrew, and to God, I’m humbled by my lack of ability to show off to them – I’m saved from my boasting, and Christ died for something.