Steady Heart

I’ve completed 38 weeks of my third pregnancy. I honestly can’t believe it. After giving birth to Caleb I didn’t believe I had it in me to carry and deliver any more children.

As you’ve joined in my journey over the last three years and read my struggles, fears and lessons learned from motherhood, you know that God has done so much in my heart through this whole experience.

I stand yet again at the point of bringing another life into the world, and all the unknowns that it holds.

I recognize more than ever what a gift and privilege it is for me to have had the ability to do this. So many people these days struggle to have babies, and my heart breaks for them.

While my body feels so done with being a home for this squirmy child, I get waves of fear that sweep over me to do it all over again. What if this one is colicky too? What if I don’t bounce back quickly from delivery? We’re already overwhelmed with two some days, how will we handle three?

And while there are no guaranteed answers to these questions, the Lord continues to faithfully speak peace to my soul.

Just like he gave me a verse and song for Amayah’s birth, He’s been giving me treasures to hold on to this time. Like this song, Steady Heart.

Stephanie’s lyrics speak such comfort to me.

I can’t see what’s in front of me.
Still I will trust you.

Steady heart that keeps on going,
Steady love that keeps on holding,
Lead me on.
Steady grace that keeps forgiving,
Steady faith that keeps believing
Lead me on

Though the sky is dark,
And the wind is wild
You’ll never leave meĀ 
Though the night is long
There is a coming dawn
The light is breakingĀ 

And as the dawn breaks
And the clouds clear
In an open space
Together we will run

For both my pervious births I’ve laboured through the night, and at dawn my baby is born. The words that talk about the night being long and the Lord not leaving, just cements courage into my being.

Looking toward birth number three, I can’t wait to see what the Lord shows me, and how he reveals his heart of love to us as we see our baby boy or girl for the very first time.

Whatever mountain you’re facing, I pray the Lord grants you this steady heart.

Baby, I can’t wait to hold you.

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(Photo Credit: My amazing doula Corina). This was taken moments after Amayah was born.
This memory inspires me that it’s more than worth it to do it all again.