I haven’t overly enjoyed nursing any of my kids.
Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, in theory. I don’t argue with that.
But for me each time I go to nurse my child, I am overcome with extreme emotion, intense thirst and incredible exhaustion.
It has become worse with each child.
This Sunday I was preaching and I went to nurse Eli before I went over to the church. I was feeling positive, excited and totally overwhelmed with God’s presence.
Instantly I felt the life drain out of me. Tears started to well up in my eyes like usual, and I felt I could drink litres of water. I was just so tired.
In this nursing moment, I suddenly feel like I can’t do anything. I can’t keep up with my kids, cook meals, do laundry, preach a sermon, write a book, lead worship, of maintain relationships.
I feel dead tired, hungry and thirsty. The life seems to be draining right out of my body.
The moment is so intense, I have a hard time keeping my eyes on what it will be like twenty minutes from then when my baby is done eating.
Then the moment passes and I am fine. Sometimes I even forget my thirst, and don’t refill my water cup.
The Lord said to me today this is what it is like for some of us in life. We go through moments that are so intense and we feel separate from God, and so extremely thirsty.
We are like the psalmist who cried out
O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
These moments of intense thirst for the Lord leave us wondering where God is. In these times it feels nearly impossible to see a way out.
But just like that, in a moment, the situation changes.
When the storm calms, we maybe don’t drink deep and replenish ourselves because the intensity has vanished.
I love what comes in the following verses of Psalm 63.
I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
Even in the midst of his intense thirst for God, he declares that he has seen God and he has seen him move, and HE KNOWS beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord’s unfailing love is deeper than any other.
Don’t forget that today. No matter how deep your thirst. No matter how alone you feel. Remind yourself of the goodness of God.
Don’t lose sight of the fact that literally in an instant your situation could change, and you need to be ready to drink deep of the Lord when it comes easy, and declare that you’ve experienced him when it’s hard.