We are not alone.

We were struggling. I was reeling. Devastated, disappointed and doubting whether our marriage would make it.

Andrew & I shared in our recent podcast our story of him confessing to me about being stuck in pornography. 

I remember after it all happened, I sat with my very best girlfriend and used extremely cryptic language, hoping she would just call out what the issue was.

I felt so extremely alone, and because I didn’t know anyone else talking about it, I thought we were the only recently married couple walking through this.

After we spoke this past Sunday, I have heard from women all across Canada who identify with our journey.

The number one thing we have heard is:

“Thank you for being brave because now we know that we are not alone.”

Because I’ve had all these messages I feel responsible to say two things:

  1. Most of us are struggling with issues like anxiety and pornography. Some are further along in the journey and have experienced more freedom, and others are still chained up…but the battle is the same.
  2. Can we stop being cryptic? I know we need to respect our spouses wishes if they want things kept confidential, but really, we need to talk to at least one person who validates the fact that we are not alone.

Alone. “Having no one else present”, “on ones own”, “separate, apart, or isolated from others”.

No one wants to feel alone. No one wants to feel like they are the exception to all the other “normal marriages”.

It’s often when we are alone that the enemy has the ability to lie to us the best. When there is no one else to become a sounding board, we can be swallowed up by the thoughts in our own head.

We need to have relationships that silence the negative voices and call out the best in us! The truth that:

  1. I can face hard, hurtful things and be ok!
  2. This wasn’t my fault.
  3. I can stick ,with love and respect, to the one who has hurt me, like so many others have!
  4. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and is comforting me right now!

When something is brought into the light, darkness no longer hides it and quickly it’s power is broken! Open up to someone in your life, step on the devil and allow the Lord to start using your story!

And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony.

Revelation 12:11

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Our little family in the thick of the battle.

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Four years later, sharing our story and seeing God move! All glory to Jesus!

Strep throat, tonsillitis & having everything I need

Like many of you young families, we’ve been sick off and mostly on since before Christmas. Two rounds of the stomach flu, colds, strep throat, impetigo, teething and tonsillitis.

Parents, let’s be honest, month after month of this gets extremely draining and super discouraging.

During this never ending battle with sickness, the Lord has been taking me deep into Psalm 23.

When I came down with strep throat a few weeks ago, I didn’t realize that it was going to flare up an old issue with my tonsils. I haven’t battled an on going sore throat for years, and suddenly it appears indefinite how long I will be in pain, unable to swallow, etc.

(My doctor is trying to get me an expediated tonsillectomy, which I pray does happen because I’ve battled those bad boys since I was a little girl).

Even though having a chronic sore throat isn’t that serious, it’s weighing on me.

This is where Psalm 23 has been coming in. I was talking to the Lord about how hard life has felt during our “wild winter” and how I wasn’t sure I could hold on until spring. He challenged me to declare this (the purple writing is the verse, anything else is my own):

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.
{This part ruins me every time, I have EVERYTHING that I need in Jesus.}

He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength.
{Thank you Lord that you bring me into seasons of rest and you renew me. Even when I don’t want to stop, you bring me to rest in beautiful places.}

He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.
{Lord, may every single struggle I am facing bring you honour and glory.}

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Even when I walk 
through the darkest valley,I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
{God this has felt like such a dark valley. I know it isn’t the darkest, but it has been so hard.  I declare that I will not fear. I feel you so close to me right now and I know that you are going before us, to our right and our left, protecting and comforting us.}

You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.
{In the midst of all the attack, you provide us with great things, we are never hungry: physically or spiritually. You are always there waiting to hand us more of what we need.}

You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.
{Thank you Lord for family and friends who have been able to help with the kids, for little care packages, for a friend sending us money for take out and a babysitter, providing extra help at our new house, and all the many little ways you’ve blessed us through this wild winter.}

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.
{Lord I just love that your goodness and unfailing love pursue me, they chase me down all the days of my life. You are so good to us! Your love is so deep, so wide, so strong. I will live for you and with you forever, and that makes me feel so safe and secure.}

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Breathless & Stressed

I had a pretty stressful couple weeks. I’m sure you picked up on that from my last post, but it really was.

{When I originally sat down to write this, I got a phone call that my husband was taken to the hospital with unknown injuries, and didn’t even have the composure to finish this!}

At one point when I was laying in my bed with my stomach aching and my head pounding, I realized it was mostly my own stress that had got me to this point.

And why?

It was nothing that I couldn’t handle.

I don’t mean that arrogantly. I just know from experience that am a tough woman who can handle a lot because Jesus and I have sure slain a few dragons before.

As I laid in my bed and asked the Lord what was going on he told me three things that were missing from my life that when added together, equaled anxiety for me.

  1. Water  As I checked how I was doing I realized I was really thirsty. In the midst of my exhaustion I had drank too much coffee and not enough water. I generally try to drink one litre of water by noon everyday, but I hadn’t.
  2. Breath – I don’t know why I do this! When I started to get worked up, I don’t breathe! I ended up taking shallow breaths or holding my breath for long periods of time.

    And what happens when we don’t have proper air flow? We lack oxygen to our brains. This messes up our reasoning and can make things seem like a bigger deal than they are. Our brain cells need an uninterrupted flow of oxygen to operate at their best.

  3. Prayer – When my mind isn’t clear because I’m dehydrated and not breathing deeply, I’m generally not talking with Jesus about what’s going on. That’s a BIG problem, because normally he’s my rock and I bounce pretty much everything off him.

    In Philippians 4:6 we are encouraged

    Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.


    This is not a trite statement. The Lord knows that when we get anxious and worried, the best thing for us to do is to give it back to him.

    I KNOW this to be true, because when I’m not anxious, I confidently give God my stuff and I SEE him move on my behalf!

Since my moment with God two weeks ago, I’ve had this in my head:

“Breathe, Pray, Water”.

Simple. But powerful. 

Breathe deep, drink up and pray loud!

outforawalk