I’m ok with change.

I held his new, slimy body as warm blankets came over me. I shook, trembled with adrenaline induced after shock. “Hold him steady, I don’t want to drop him.” Andrew put his hand on the baby’s back to steady him as I shook beneath.

“I don’t think I can ever do that again.” Andrew nodded, still in shock himself from the last 24 hours.

But he was was here. Caleb Andrew. Our whole hearted and faithful manly warrior. The little one with the powerful meaning. He was here.

_ _ _

We sat around the table while daddy pulled out all the sheets from the meeting we had missed. He had the news we’d been waiting for. Class lists, dates, teacher’s name.

Amayah buried her face in her hands to hide her quivering lip.

“Why….why…does Caleb have to go to school?” She asked.

I did end up birthing babies again. And those three little lives have bonded together with a deep, fierce love.

Of course they fight, but their love is so intense.

We tried to answer her, but we knew she was just trying to process what we were. What does life look like now?

And although she couldn’t fathom it, it’s a big year for her too. Play school.

_ _ _ 

“JESUS!!!!” I yelled as a I gave a final push and our second baby came into this world. I collapsed back on the pillow. “Is it really a girl? Is it a GIRL? WAs the ultrasound right?”

As the doctor told me yes, it really was a girl, I cried because we were one of those special families that was able to experience both genders. Amayah Love was here. Another tiny person with a powerful name. “Close to God, full of love.”

_ _ _

I looked over at Amayah sitting across from me at the table, her lip shaking less. Daddy had pictures of the classroom. It did look really fun.kindergartenlist.jpg

Ever since the day she came to breathe for the first time her big brother has spoke for her. We were so excited for her to try something on her own and let her brilliant mind and sparkly personality shine.

Change, it’s hard. It’s unknown. And for us, it’s temporary. The next few years things will change every September. Next year: grade 1, preK and playschool. Then grade two, kindergarten and preK.

Adjustment. Change.

Early the same week I had went and got my hair done. I felt like it was drastic for me. It represented being ok with change. I never colour my hair because I don’t like the change. But this time, I needed it.

Funny thing was, no one seemed to notice it. And in certain lighting, I didn’t even notice it! What felt like a big deal at first, ended up not really being much at all.

I felt the Lord encourage me that this school year would be like that for us. An intensity of emotion off the start, and then a smooth transition to a new way of life.

Whatever transition your life holds in the next few weeks, I pray for you that the grace of Jesus would overflow into every cavity that is causing you anxiety, and that it would be like my hair colour…a  tough step but a seamless transition.

Hello September, I’m ok with you.back to school .jpg

{Took my big kids back to school shopping}

Eli and caleb.jpg

{These boys…}

One thought on “I’m ok with change.

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