Shadows

 

shadow-clip-art-63636_girl_shadow_lgFor too long I’ve allowed myself to experienced a crashing waves of emotion; good, bad, ugly and exuberant. I didn’t stop to speak out the good, or the gifts.

I didn’t name what was lurking in my shadows.

The flurry of my heart, the cyclone of emotion that raged through me was what set the stage for my life.

As the Lord has taught me to name the good, so he has also wanted to bring light to the shadows.

“I can’t believe how overwhelmed I feel about this week already. My phone is going off non stop and I’m not going to have time to do everything I have to do at the church even if I worked full time.” My overwhelmed heart spilled onto Andrew in a dump of panic.

We tried to rearrange our week, get extra childcare…scramble. Like a band aid over the bleeding heart, but there is no way to stop it’s oozing.

I stood in the shower. It’s always peaceful here. I feel myself relax. Hot steam fill my nostrils and I see some of the good. I count the gifts.

196. An unnecessary shower, just to feel better.

Thank you Lord, there is still so much beauty.

Now, what is really wrong? I feel the Lord whisper. Name it.

I pour out the jumble of my heart to him and he takes it.

Suddenly it all becomes clear. As I spoke it out two very specific priorities emerge. And I had a bad cold sucking out my remaining energy.

See, it isn’t all bad? Just leave everything else, focus on these two things that are urgent, rest up and watch for all the gifts.

In an instant the constriction in my heart left, the nausea in the pit of my stomach dissipated too.

In the mass that was overwhelming there were two things consuming my heart and one thing draining my body.

The shadows in the night are terrifying until you speak them out: dresser, broom leaning against the wall, guitar, ball.

And even when it is something scary, naming it causes you to act on it rather that be immobilized in fear. If in the shadows you name a bear, you will still be afraid, but there is now a plan of action attached to that fear. It becomes the priority, and  you don’t waste time on anything other than surviving the bear.

I love how in Romans 10:6-7 in the Passion Translation the writer quotes Isaiah and says:

Don’t for a moment think you need to climb into the heavens to find the Messiah and bring him down, or to descend into the underworld to bring him up from the dead.

Don’t for a moment think that you have to go searching for this God who can save your soul and bring peace to your life. Instead in verse 8 it says:

God’s living message is very close to you, as close as your own heart beating in your chest and as near as the tongue in your mouth.

He is as close as your very next breath. When you cry out to him to help you name the dark shadows, he will speak to your own beating heart and bring the words to the tongue of your mouth.

And this is what he spoke to my heart to say to you:

Beloved. Most loved, dearly adored. I want to be the one who calms your seas. I want to name the shadows in your life and tame the mass that looks unruly. Partner with me, believe in me, call on my name and I will save you from all of this, and give you my peace.

Everyone who believes in him will never be disappointed.

Romans 10:11

rest-with-baby

{resting with my sick baby.}

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