I looked around my house, finally tidy and put back from another crazy day. Thoughts continue to surge through my mind. Do I do enough? Do I do too much? If I calmed down on the ideas, the giving, the caring, would things be calmer here?
My heart raced as I stood in front of my calendar. The week, full, bursting with good, great and mediocre.
I hate mediocre. Can I cut it out?
Sometimes my quest to live with pure purpose, walking fully in my destiny drives me to the point of madness over the things that I feel steal my time.
I feel the anxiety stir in my heart. When will I rest? I feel the whisper.
“Right now. I give you lots of moments that you lose to stress.”
I don’t usually read my bible at this time, but I pull it out anyway, along with my journal. I read, write and receive.
“When you live a life of abandoned love, surrendered before the awe of God, here’s what you’ll experience: Abundant life. Continual protection and complete satisfaction.” Proverbs 19:23
I write in my journal: I love that wording of abandoned love. Throwing everything else away for love. But sometimes it’s in the abandoning that I stress myself out.”
The Lord speaks as I write: “I can tell I’m missing the second piece when abandoned love leads to stress. Surrendered awe.”
I write down all the points that have me feeling pushed to my limits.
I surrender them.
I remember the ways he’s come through.
Awestruck wonder. He is good.
I go to bed. I rest. I do nothing.
All the while, I have released an avalanche of grace on my behalf.
I wake up to texts and messages of people wanting to volunteer for one of my projects, another person bringing a meal on a crazy day of our week, another moved to pray for me, another speaking wisdom and encouragement, still another able to decorate for something I forgot about.
As I receive those things, I ultimately lay down another point weighing on my brain.
I wait for the answer.
Awe. He is good.
Creative solution arrives in my heart.
The Lord whisper floods my hearts: Monica, I told you that where I am leading you this fall is not meant to overwhelm you. The divinely inspired season will bring divinely inspired strategies.
Ah yes. I remember that part. I quote it every day to people I’m encouraging in my life.
I’m feeling it. That abundant life of the grace walk. The continual protection when I fall into him. The satisfaction…knowing the buck doesn’t stop at me. Jesus has led me here, broke me for this, graced me for this.
He knows where we’re going.
“The lovers of God who chase after righteousness will find all their dreams come true: an abundant life drenched with favour and a fountain that overflows with satisfaction.” Proverbs 21:21
In my mind, satisfaction equals peace. Peace that goes beyond what makes sense in the moment.
If following the Lord feels like it’s brought you to a place of stress and trouble, I trust that you can release it and see what he says.
He has spoke that he will not lead us to a place to simply overwhelm us. He is leading us so that he can overwhelm us with his power when we release him to move!
I pray I can show her that powerful women simply walk out surrender, every day, to Jesus.