“I’d rather have a heart that’s open and gets broken, then is closed to what God would do.”
I said those words after answering a young woman’s desperate pleas for us to come adopt her baby, having no idea the journey we would go on. I hoped that our hearts that were wide open to adoption wouldn’t end in this kind of pain, but that was a risk that we decided to take.
The risk to love. The risk to rescue. The risk to answer the cries of “please help me.”
The kind of love that pushes you to travel over 2,500 kilometres, spend 24 days away from your other children, sell your second vehicle, and with grit and determination trust God to make a way where there is no way and watch him lay out the path before you.
You know what I’m talking about, you risk takers for Jesus. He breaks your heart for something and you can’t rest until you’ve given him your yes and stepped out in faith.
Yesterday I shared that things have not turned out the way we had hoped.
Today, I dropped my husband off at the airport here and I’m leaving tomorrow. As I walked away from the airport I felt a great sense of accomplishment.
I felt the Holy Spirit whisper “Well done.”
We did it. We came and did what we were supposed to do. It didn’t end the way we hoped, but we were faithful to walk out every step. We answered a desperate plea for help and our whole family felt the Holy Spirit and we acted on that.
Our kids chose to be brave. We chose to be brave and with a big declaration that wouldn’t be held back by fear, we look a leap of faith.
We loved when we had the chance to love and we prayed when we had the chance to pray. To the best of our ability we spread hope.
When our hearts broke and everything within us wanted to run away, we stayed to fight. We waited out the ten days that we had committed to and we prayed, cried and refused to allow circumstances to steal our belief that God is good.
We came well, and we leave well. I’m proud of us.
None of that was on our own strength. I had absolutely no ability to even stop myself from vomiting the first few hours. But when the peace of Jesus Christ came in, I was ok. I was in pain. I cried. But I was held. Deeply covered by the shadow of his wings. I have never experienced such a tangible level of the perfect peace of Jesus.
“I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!”
We will not hide our hearts in hope that we never feel that level of grief again. There is a truth we can hold on to when everything has fallen apart and we don’t know which step to take from here.
“so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
Isaiah 55:11 NIV
All of His promises are STILL yes. And although the details can get jumbled up and it looks for a moment like the enemy has got in the way of our destiny, this cannot be because:
“So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.”
Romans 8:28 TPT
Even what it unexpected and painful to us, God can weave it into his master plan of bringing good into our lives.
And while this week hasn’t felt “good” and it’s held more tears than I have ever cried, I know that not one tear is wasted:
“They may weep as they go out carrying their seed to sow, but they will return with joyful laughter and shouting with gladness as they bring back armloads of blessing and a harvest overflowing!”
Psalms 126:6 TPT
Our story is not over and therefore I have great hope and perfect peace. I have waves of grief that crash over me, but I am held in a divine peace that is too miraculous to describe. Even in my breakdowns God whispers “a double portion restoration”, and I know I will be mom to at least five kids.
I’ve got questions too, but I’ve also got the great Comforter and he is constantly reminding me that:
“Not one promise from God is empty of power, for nothing is impossible with God!””
Luke 1:37 TPT
And as Mary said in response to God’s promise:
“This is amazing! I will be a mother for the Lord! As his servant, I accept whatever he has for me. May everything you have told me come to pass.”
Luke 1:38 TPT
Come what may Lord, my heart is still open. I accept whatever you have for me, in great confidence that you will finish the good work you’ve begun in my heart and in my family. Our story is not over:
As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
Psalm 71:14 NIV