Second Time Mom: Light Blues

secondtimemomSleep was scarce during pregnancy, and perhaps even scarcer now that I have two kids (although I prefer the baby being OUT, then IN).
To be honest I’ve been surprised at just how sleep deprived I am. I knew I wouldn’t get as much rest as when Caleb was a newborn and I could sleep when he did. But I did not know I sometimes won’t nap at all because when Caleb goes to sleep, she’s often waking up hungry.It’s been discouraging, overwhelming and of course exhausting. The good news is we’re still in the very early stage and haven’t found a real rhythm to our days yet. I know it will be easier once that comes.

On the other hand I have to say I’ve been proud of myself in terms of getting through the days generally in one piece. I have shocked myself again at what I can handle when the Lord is giving me strength (and I have Tim Horton’s coffee!).

When Israel accused God of forgetting them, God compared his constant love and faithfulness to the commitment of a nursing mom.

“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! (Isaiah 49:15 NLT)

The intensity of the full time nursing period is recognized by God. Every time your baby cries, milk rushes in, and if you don’t respond to your baby in the right time frame, you are going to be in some great discomfort.

It seems it would be physically impossible to ignore your baby’s needs or to not feel love. But God says even if it were possible, even if a woman could forget her baby, God could never ever abandon us.

He is so on top of this 24/7 parenting. His whole being responds to us, as to a tiny extent our whole body responds to our baby.

I find that this can be overwhelming. I love breastfeeding and being at home with my two kids, but there are times when I feel like I can’t escape for a minute, or that I’m always on call day in, day out, night in, night out.

These are the times when the responsibility hits hard and I feel the blues waft in.

It’s not entirely bad. This time around my down days remind me of how “on call” the Lord is for me. He’s allowing me a glimpse into his heart through mothering. I’m thankful he doesn’t get exhausted so I can rely on his strength!

So the second time around I’d say I have light blues at times. Still nothing as shocking as the first!

Amayah sleeping

 

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Second Time Mom: The First Ten Days

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I’m sure I’ve said a hundred times since coming home from the hospital:

“I love being a second time mom!”

This time around has been a much more relaxed and enjoyable experience. My baby blues from my first birth and my uncertainty as a new mom, is starting to become a positive memory as I see how much I grew from that.

From diaper rashes, burping, and breastfeeding to lack of sleep and mysterious cries, it all seems much less daunting.

This is specifically to encourage all my first time mom readers who I have talked with over the last year and a half…you are growing as a person and a mom!

I shocked myself by telling my husband that he should go home to be with Caleb on my first night with Amayah in the hospital. There would not have been a chance of Andrew leaving me the first time as I cried the whole night!

Baby girl did cry most of her first and second night (just like her brother), but through praying for strength and reminding myself of how short a season this is, we made it through with no tears and little anxiety.

If one thing did surprise me about the second time birth experience, it was the after pains. They were extremely overwhelming for me, and on the day they peaked I felt like I was in labour all over again. I was very thankful to still have my husband at home to help with the two kids and be emotionally supportive to me. But just as quickly as they came, so they left again, and that’s already more than a week ago that they vanished.

Now when it comes to my beloved firstborn, he is still stretching me everyday! I feel just as uncertain with him right now as I did when he was a newborn. The poor kid has struggled with his new little sister. He swings from smothering her with love and kisses, to smacking her in the head.

I look at this picture to remind myself that there is hope for them to get along eventually!

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With Caleb I have found myself swinging from being furious at him for trying to hurt his sister, to feeling terrible that he has to go through this life transition.

It has created lots of opportunities for me to explain to Caleb about expressing his feelings. The biggest breakthrough I have seen with him is his ability to simply tell me when he needs a hug. He’ll come reach up to me and say “hug mama”, and usually a meltdown over his sister is avoided.

This verse has been comforting to me during this transition.

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety.

Psalm 16:8-9

This fairly positive account sums up my first ten days. In future posts I will talk about baby blues the second time, which I experienced Day 11 onward from time to time, as well as my birth experience!

Amayah Love

My dear readers, I apologize for this long overdue announcement. The day after my last post discussing some fears of birth, I went into labour!

I’ll give you some quick details, along with a promise that I’m making lots of little notes throughout the day, and when I have more time I’m excited to write all about becoming a 2nd time mom, and what it’s like as a first time mom helping my firstborn adjust.

Two weeks ago, at 6:42 a.m., after 36 hours of labour, I gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Amayah Love. Amayah is Hebrew and means “close to God”, and Love is English and means “full of love”. This is our prayer for our daughter that she will be one who is close to God, and full of love to give, and full of love that she has received.

Again in a single moment our lives were changed. I watched my husband melt away to almost nothing at the sight of his little girl. (I actually called him a baby hog, as I barely got to hold her after she was cleaned up!)

I better stop before I start writing too much (I have a chance to shower, so I really should take it). Truly, I am excited to have time to process a lot of this adventure with you…so it will become a priority soon enough!

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